Eventually, you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem waiting in line for.

Some people want to turn back their odometers.  Not me; I want people to know why I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way - and some of the roads weren’t paved!

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you were?

When you are dissatisfied and want to return to your youth, think of algebra.

I don’t know how I got over the hill without ever getting to the top.

One of the few things that no one ever tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable!

Old age is when your former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald that they don’t recognize you.

If you don’t learn to laugh at trouble, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you’re old.

And, as I get older, which beats the alternative, I value women who are over 50 most of all.

A woman over 50 will not lay in bed and ask, “What are you thinking?”  She doesn’t care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn’t want to watch the game with you, she doesn’sit around whining about it.  She does something she wants to do.  And it’s usually more interesting.

A woman over 50 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.  Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Women over 50 are dignified.  They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.  Of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you, (Right Carole?) if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.  They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 50 has the self–assurance to introduce you to her women friends.  A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn’t trust the guy with other women.

Women over 50 couldn’t care less if you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray her.

Woman get psychic as they age.  You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50. They always know.  Just as mothers at any age, according to Lois, always know the truth about their children.

A woman over 50 looks good wearing bright red lipstick.  This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest.  They’ll tell you right away if you are a jerk if you are acting like one!  You don’'t ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

I praise women over 50 for a multitude of reason.  Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.  For every stunning, smart, well–coiffed hot woman over 50 there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow polyester pants (Sam doesn’t wear polyester pants, never has, never will) making a fool of himself with some 18–year–old waitress.  Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who ask, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” Here’s an update for you.  Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.  Why?