I thought that the game of golf originated in Scotland in the fifteenth century.  Recently uncovered evidence indicates that this sport actually began in eastern Europe and for many years was enjoyed by the Jews of the area.

Stories passed down from generation to generation told of Moses and Aaron and their famous Desert Classic, which endured for 40 years.  This great tradition was re-born many years later in the fields and forests of eastern Europe.

A shepherd, Velvel Gross, passed the time by hitting pebbles with his shepherd’s crook.  The number of times he hit the stones became known as Gross Score.

He eventually decided to lay out an actual course by utilizing the adjacent farmers’ properties.  The playing area consisted of 18 segments - the number chosen to represent the Hebrew symbol Chai, meaning Life.  (See Sam's "18" Chai.)

The game could then be played by Wednesday golfers as 9 holes (half-Chai), regular golfers as 18 holes (Chai), enthusiasts and fitness-freaks as 27 holes (Chai-and-a-half), and with the wives during mixed play (double-Chai).

The putting surface was named after Lazar Green, because the shortest grass was found on his property.

The search for durable projectiles which could sustain repeated strikes with wooden sticks led to the Rebbetzin’s kitchen, where her dimpled matzoh balls were the clear-cut winners.  They came in 90 or 100 compression and were vigorously tested by a mechanical arm called Iron Myron.

Parva or Par, meaning neither here nor there, was the number of shots allocated to each hole.

Faivel the Sissy scored the first recorded Birdie, as onlookers shouted, “Not bad for a Faygelah!”

The Eagle was so named for Adler the Shtarker, who scored the first amazing 2-under-par!

Soon courses sprang up all over the land with such exotic names as Knobble Beach, Grieven Valley, Seder Brook and the two richest clubs. Chelm Ridge and Chai Ridge.  This particular group was known as The Haymishe Five.

Membership in these clubs provided many diverse activities.  Tournaments such as Blinsis and Schnapps and Beat the Tsar (which was a shotgun) were organized.

Social events included Revolutionary Hop and Pogrom Night and were carefully planned.

A committee of men was responsible for the many rules and regulations that all were required to observe.  Men’s and women’s facilities were strictly segregated according to Jewish law.  A dress code was rigidly enforced, in spite of the women’s insistence on the right to bare arms.

Shortly thereafter, the top golfers in the land emerged and formed the PGA, an acronym for Polish-Galitzianer Association.

So now you know the true history of the game of golf.  Would I lie?